Gracie came as we all did, broken, frightened, uncertain who to trust, with big wounds. Similar to my own first week, she tried to remain in hiding for days until she was coaxed to come out. As much as she had tried to be invisible, eventually hunger won out...and she took her first tentative steps out of the darkness into the daylight.
Long after Gracie healed, she became a picture of contradiction. She limped when she walked, almost painfully it seemed to me...but she could also run and jump like she had had only three legs her whole life.
At first Gracie's limp saddened me... but after I while I realized it didn't pain her at all. Sure she limped when she walked, but a tossed tennis ball would send her flying!
When she was focused on that ball, she could run gracefully. Beautifully. Unaccountably. When she was focused on the ball she was unstoppable. You couldn't trick her by introducing a different one than she wanted! She would run past the other balls and zero in on the one she wanted.
(Yeah I tried to trick he once or twice...Didn't you?)
I wanted to run that way. I wanted that kind of healing. Perhaps like Gracie, I couldn't get the "leg" back that I had lost, but I wanted so much to believe I could run the race again.
So many times at the Home of Grace, I was amazed at what the Lord was uncovering in me and my sisters day by day. It was like he was peeling off layers of cobwebs and hurt and uncovering something so unique we often never suspected we had in in ourselves!
It seemed to me that the more someone had to offer, the harder Satan hit them with lies. That it was too late, they had hurt to many, they were worthless, the natural abilities and inclinations the Lord gave them were silly.
The girls who scared me the most at first (Yeah I will admit it..some of ya'll scared me!!) ended up being the ones who transformed into someone unexpected. I remember once walking in the dining room to hear someone singing with the voice of an angel. I teared up as I thought "look what Satan tried to hide from us all. Look at what he has been doing to us with his lies." It made me angry, I was determined NOT to let him do that to me anymore, I declared war that day.
Jesus gently washed our dirty feet with his tears, and bandaged our wounds with his grace, and set us free one after another...to fly...to sing...to mother our children or love our families. Like Gracie we all have the ability to run gracefully if we focus, but we have to have the determination to CHOOSE DAILY to do so.
Gracie's wounds are visible. She has three legs, the first question people want to know when they see her is "What Happened?"
I think we leave Home of Grace to a certain extent thinking we will slowly acclimate ourselves, and because of this we limp painfully at times...we are very aware of our handicap, sometimes embarrassed even to expose it. Unlike Gracie, we can still hide our scars if we choose, and avoid the questions about "What happened?.
After the Home of Grace, for the first time I was not worried about what I could do to draw others to Christ with my witness, I was nervous I would be a distraction from who He was. I got paralyzed with fear again. I KNEW I would tarnish his glory...
Unlike Gracie, my "Handicap" isn't immediately visible. which makes it easier to hide. I had moved across country and got a "fresh" start. There didn't seem to be much reason to bring it all up with new friends...The problem is, by hiding my experience I cut others off from the opportunity to share in my healing, and more importantly, to point them to the Author of my healing. I had fallen for another of
Satan's lies. I also opened myself up to falling again.
Stress, worry, panic, FEAR all take away from our ability to be truly free, I had walked away healed but worry was causing me to limp spiritually, the more I "limped" the more I tried to hide. I imprisoned myself with worry. I was afraid if I messed up post H.O.G. people would think what he did for me there was in my head...that it wasn't real. I am laughing as I write this at the pomposity of my self grandeur...as if I could in any way make Christ less than GOD
Its not funny though, because in the moments when I actually believe this I feel unable to move forward. What the Home of Grace taught me was to keep walking anyway. Do the little things even when I don't understand the big picture, let the Lord lead. What Gracie taught me was to KNOW which ball is the right one and don't be distracted by anything else thrown at me.
Approximately every other day I still have to remember Doc Shrop and resign (AGAIN) as the Chairman of the Universe.
Some Lies, Satan took years making us believe; and while it is hard not to be discouraged when it takes years to shake those feelings.The truth is, everyone faces discouragement.
How would it be if we could remember Gracie from day one, and focus - not on our personal wounds, or the wounds we have caused others, but on the Healer? The giver of the life we fought so hard to give away. What if we had the same focus on Christ, as Gracie had on her ball?
How would it feel to be running forward without distraction? Would the "Gracie" in our stride cause people to be envious? Would our ability to run with joy point them to the reason for our healing?
I know it sounds simplistic...but what if it is that simple?
Focus. Without distraction. On one ball.
With a Gracie style of focus on The Lord, can we find freedom not just for our selves, but be a picture of healing to those around us? Would people's focus shift from our "Missing leg" to how high we can jump? Can our ability to run gracefully point them to the One who gave us healing and freedom when it seemed impossible?
If you saw that, would your life be different? Would your relationships change? I saw Gracie's focus and it changed me.
Gracie taught me another lesson, that in her healing she learned to trust again and to reach out. She has an uncanny ability to know who needs special attention on any given day.
My last day at Home of Grace, Gracie just stayed by my side and watched me...her gaze steady as my mind raced over what would happen now. Somehow her calm gaze steadied me.
We are healed to point others to healing. We are healed to run and jump and dance, not limp spiritually. If anything, we should run more easily, jump more gracefully and rise joyfully at the sound of our Father's voice.
Most of us saw various versions of hell before we came to the Home of Grace, we know intimately how abundantly His grace is poured out despite our mistakes...How can we help but shout from the rooftops? How can we help but run"Gracie"fully?
We KNOW we are LOVED by a personal Father, HEALED and made whole by the sacrifice of Christ, and accepted by the blood of the lamb, WITHOUT QUESTION. We had only to ask and believe.
Don't forget to run for the ball like Gracie.... Don't forget that Jesus took the time to take YOU aside for three months, to tell YOU that you are worth every nail, every tear...don't get lost believing its up to you now to show the world alone... it never was! Know which ball you are running for!
Just let the life Jesus breathed back into you have room to run....and get out of the way while Jesus does aback flip or two...
Thoughts......
It has been over a year since I found myself in the Middle of Mississippi wondering how in the world my life choices had brought me to the Home of Grace. I was uncertain of many things, but I was fairly certain it was a heart wound causing me to give up more and more of my life to a bottle. I remember the first time I picked up a drink thinking "I had better be careful, cause I already know Jesus, so A.A. and a higher power won't work..."
Over time I turned more and more to the bottle and less and less to my friend Jesus. By the time I realized what I had done I was unable to go to Him, I felt I had blown the gifts he had given me, and I knew better! I was ashamed yet defiant!
It is possible I could have learned to stop the habit of drinking in another program, but I often wonder if other programs would have addressed the core hurt. In my opinion, the healing I found at the Home of Grace when I was able to face my Savior simply would not have occurred in a traditional re-hab situation...
Home of Grace taught me how to keep focused and be purposeful in looking to my Father. We didn't focus on the wounds that brought me here, we focused on the Healer, and slowly my heart was mended.
Home of Grace gave me the opportunity sit still and ponder for three months without interruption- the beauty of being loved, the wonder at why, and the security of not being in control.
I had to learn to look toward my Father again, because his gaze NEVER EVER had shifted from me. The staff at Home of Grace showed me how to create new habits. Gracie (the three legged wonder dog) showed me a picture of what life could be like after my wounds had time to heal.
To me, I think Gracie is the perfect picture of the healing which occurs at the Home of Grace.
Sometimes help doesn't come in the package we expect. Sometimes it's breaking down and going to re-hab in the first place, sometimes it's in the form of a three legged dog. I don't always get it.
God gets it. Even when we don't. He knows where to lead us for healing, and exactly what situation will bring us home to Him. He is passionate about bringing us home. For that, I am eternally grateful.
Over time I turned more and more to the bottle and less and less to my friend Jesus. By the time I realized what I had done I was unable to go to Him, I felt I had blown the gifts he had given me, and I knew better! I was ashamed yet defiant!
It is possible I could have learned to stop the habit of drinking in another program, but I often wonder if other programs would have addressed the core hurt. In my opinion, the healing I found at the Home of Grace when I was able to face my Savior simply would not have occurred in a traditional re-hab situation...
Home of Grace taught me how to keep focused and be purposeful in looking to my Father. We didn't focus on the wounds that brought me here, we focused on the Healer, and slowly my heart was mended.
Home of Grace gave me the opportunity sit still and ponder for three months without interruption- the beauty of being loved, the wonder at why, and the security of not being in control.
I had to learn to look toward my Father again, because his gaze NEVER EVER had shifted from me. The staff at Home of Grace showed me how to create new habits. Gracie (the three legged wonder dog) showed me a picture of what life could be like after my wounds had time to heal.
To me, I think Gracie is the perfect picture of the healing which occurs at the Home of Grace.
Sometimes help doesn't come in the package we expect. Sometimes it's breaking down and going to re-hab in the first place, sometimes it's in the form of a three legged dog. I don't always get it.
God gets it. Even when we don't. He knows where to lead us for healing, and exactly what situation will bring us home to Him. He is passionate about bringing us home. For that, I am eternally grateful.
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