more nocturnal adventures of a Sorority house mom.

Monday, October 22, 2007




So I guess I managed NOT to accomplish the single most important task I am commissioned to do as a House mom which is "Thou Shalt make absolutely positively sure the girls don't in ANY small way, start a fire (again)..."

I figured I had it covered as I had utilized my best upper managerial skills to post passive agressive little signs all over the house which had such perky reminders as "No Smoking ANYWHERE on the property."

"Thou had better not light those candles"

and "Any Boys found in your room after 2:00 am will be asked nicely to leave, any boys found in your room after 2:00 am with a lighter or a candle will be executed"

I really didn't notice anything unusual about the smell as half of California is on fire now... I had however, unwittingly been sucked in to the panic and sense of disaster the newscasters were frothing at the mouth to communicate the urgency of. (Witch fire 2007- terror in the hills....We're live in the center of a burning building)

I thought perhaps I was being silly, but maybe I would just check on my mom... After all, they WERE slowly evacuating all of Ramona.

I think about this time, the newscasters were frantically pushing their hair out of their eyes and desperately trying to maintain composure as they described how hot the fire was in the area where they went in order to get more sensational pictures...."There is no sign life or of firefighters (in this area where we were unequivically warned not go) and the blaze is literally melting our cameras...perhaps we'd better back out of here, back to you Bob..."

While I was busily trying to locate my mother**, the newscasters started interviewing EACH OTHER about the intensity of the blaze, as every reasonable person had followed the advice of firefighters and had evacuated the area...and there was no one left to interview. I knew I was being silly worrying about fire, mom would call eventually.... Sheesh I was even imagining the smell of smoke in the house now....Those newscasters are GOOD!


So um yeah I guess while I was a little distracted.....

the girls had in fact managed to set a very small blaze of our own, on the kitchen on the counter, with the blatent misuse of a toaster oven...

While every firefighter in three states was busy...

(And I was frantically hitting redial on my phone every two minutes trying to make my mom pick up by sheer willpower)

I didn't hear the alarm but there are a LOT of Sirens outside right now and the news was on awfully loud...and Oh Hell...I should just be fired on the spot.

One job duty... sigh

Dang! I was just thinking I was getting the hang of this after Friday night's showdown with the Frat Brats...bigger sigh.

As I walked outside, I saw a news camera man nodding in agreement with a reporter...

who was standing next to a pledge...

wearing an "A @ O girls are hot" t-shirt...

who's make-up was running down her face in a blackened trail...

which caused her frat boyfriend to look quickly around for a means of escape... (as they have been conditioned to do at the sight of tears),

which made the reporter bellow to the cameras...

"As you can see this has been a traumatic night for A @ O girls as this blaze brought back horrifying memories of the 2005 blaze which consumed the upper floors of their home, Word of advice, Sorority girls, pizza and dirty toaster ovens are a dangerous combination. While it appears the tip of the pizza bent down onto the heating elements and that is what caught fire. the crumbs in the bottom of the toaster oven WILL actually burn eventually, A veritable deathtrap waiting to blaze, which their housemother (whom had obviously shirked in her duties and failed to clean the crumbs on an hourly basis) had overlooked. All they wanted was pizza, what they got was a frightening first hand look into the eyes of the fire... a terrifying reminder of the blaze which engulfed their home in 2005. Back to you in the studio Jim, Tell us how you felt about us as we reported this fire..."

Okay so there weren't really any reporters, but that was because they all were trapped in the middle of a canyon after parachuting into the epicenter of the brush fire to interview each other about the intensity of the blaze.... But there WAS a small fire.

Fortunately, the girls must have been paying attention during our last fire drill, as they were actually able to put out the fire quickly with one of the extinguishers (Convienantly placed every two feet around the perimeter of the house since the last fire.)

Its a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Let's hope its a good day for job hunting.

Epilogue:

My mother's cell phone is still turned off and she has not been located.

The girls went to class empty handed as they were unable to toast bagels this morning.

Two news crews perished when they collided in the driveway of a movie stars burning home in an effort to to be the first on scene to interview each other.



***( What is up with the irritating stubbornness of elderly parents who decide cell phones are for "emergencies"? By emergencies, they mean if THEY need to call but keep the phone turned off the rest of the time? God forbid the emergency might entail someone needing to call them!)